So I FINALLY go caught up and finished the 5th season of “Footballers Wive$.” Here is the quick recap and my thoughts.
Lucy ended up having a little slumber party with her ex Bruno, who was promoted to team manager for Sparks after Roger was blinded. Lucy wound up pregnant, but didn’t know if she wanted to keep the baby. Bruno did, and after a scare and almost losing the baby, Lucy decided she wanted it to. Only there is a tiny problem . . . . she doesn’t know who the dad is!
She asked the doctor if he could tell if her baby was black! He of course told her not till it was born. Seems like Lucy and Tremaine finally hooked up, which I knew was coming. This is a Jerry Springer moment for sure!
Shannan and Callum found out that Callum’s mum Trish was faking her cancer, when it was revealed in the papers! This seemed to be the beginning of the end for them, as Callum started hitting on other women such as Tanya. He also got a bit nasty with Shannan for criticizing him, and the dope took it!
Meanwhile Liberty had her own problems. She was forced to take some job in Japan where they had her dressed like a cannibal and cooking up white people. This caused a scandal, and Tremaine had finally had it with her.
During a birthday party for Callum, organized by Shannan, Callum was seen getting way to friendly with a stripper at the party. Why she had his party at a strip club I’ll never know! Liberty got Shannan to try some coke. I thought it would be Liberty who would OD and die, but it was Shannan who had the OD!
Tanya finally got her man Paola away from his adoptive mummy, ew! Yes Joan Collins adopted the kid and then turned him into her boy toy! Unfortunately it seems Paloa wasn’t right in the head, and turned to Tanya to be his new mummy! During a party he went nuts and was later committed. Poor Tanya, she never seems to get a good man does she?
Tanya’s problems were far from over, as soon she found out her dead husband was being investigated and her assets were all frozen. Gary Ryan then offered to buy her shares in Sparks and convinced her to make a bad investment. She lost everything AND she had to sleep with the slime too!
Meanwhile Roger confronted Gary about trying to rape Jackie, and Gary let Roger fall to his death in an open elevator shaft. I can’t believe they killed Roger off! Jackie was devastated and decided she was going to Australia to live with Kyle. Tanya and Jackie, before she left, listened to a recording on Roger’s personal dictaphone and learned he taped his final meeting with Gary. Jackie couldn’t deal with it, Tanya promised to take care of him. She used it to blackmail Gary, who in turn seemed to set Tanya up as well.
Unfortunately that was the end of the series. It was canceled in England, and we are now left with a bunch of crummy cliff hangers! At one point there actually was talk they might do a movie for TV to wrap up the loose ends.
She’s back! This was the first real episode with Tanya in it. Tanya flew back to England and happened to meet Paolo, a new player signed to Sparks, while on the plane. Tanya being Tanya, she of course took a liking to him. They bonded on the plane over the scary turbulence, then she found out he was dating a much much older woman (Joan Collins). This is gunna get good, bitch slapping “Dynasty” good!
Shannan continued to bend over backwards for Callum’s mom this week, thinking she really was dying of cancer. Callum became fed up and Shannan blurted out to him that she was dying. Now many this story can soon resolve itself!
Tremaine and Liberty married this week in some bizarre Egyptian themed wedding. Ukay! Everything on this show is over the top though, so I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. After the wedding Liberty fought with Ursula, who was flirting with another woman. She threw her out and we finally learned Ursula had been in it to use Liberty and get money for herself, so it seems. Before leaving she stole her jewelry and tried to steal a lot of other things. Tremaine overheard them, learned everything and stopped Urs from taking too much. Urs then told him that he didn’t have what it took to make Liberty happy and he knew it! Ouch!
Lucy, after a fight with Bruno during the reception, had a little run in with Tremaine. The hints and sparks between these two continue. I think that Tremaine will turn to her after the Liberty lesbian fallout. Meanwhile Liberty, after her fight with Urs, snorted some serious cocaine. Just last week I was wondering what happened to the drugs on the show. The first two seasons they were always snorting up a storm, I wondered if maybe they were trying to “clean up” the show a bit. I have a feeling Liberty is going to end up ODing.
So last week on “Footballers Wive$” Liberty and Ursula went to a hotel for lunch, got snotty over the food and then rented a room for some afternoon delight. The hotel manager tipped off the paparazzi, thinking they were going to do drugs. Little did he know they were doing each other! They got caught on film and exposed. Somehow Liberty convinced Tremaine and everyone else that the photos were doctored. The beyotch then accepted his proposal. The day previous she thought to do so would be a career killer, now she obviously did it to save her career. With her supposedly marrying Tremaine, where does this leave Ursula? She’s gotta be angry to be out in the cold.
Shannan invited Callum to move in this week to get away from his overbearing mom. He accepted, but later Shannan got an invite from his mom Trisha to discuss what was “really” going on. Trisha claims she’s dying of cancer and has a year left, she hasn’t told Callum. Hmmmm, can’t say I believe her. I think that could be the point though, for us to think she’s full of it and in the end she might not be? That would be a new twist on this old story. Shannan of course invited her to move in with them as well. Uhg!
Bruno learned, thanks to Lucy, that Amber knew he killed Conrad. Throughout the episode he was wary of her, and finally confronted her when he realized she was trying to poison him. He stormed out to go to Shannan’s housewarming party, where Amber showed up looking completely zombified. She has painted her face up and her hair was teased and frizzy. She actually looked kinda good, in an odd way. I’m not sure what the outfit she had on was exactly though. She tried to kill Bruno, but Roger was the one who was hit buy ricocheting bullets or something. As a result it appears Roger is now blind! What will the team do, their coach is blind! Amber meanwhile has been hospitalized for her mental illness.
Finally at the very, very, VERY end of the show, Tanya returned! It’s about time. She’s headed back to England from the island hell she’d been sentenced to since the baby fiasco with Conrad and Amber. Wouldn’t it be great if crazy Amber escaped to come after Tanya?
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The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that in spite of ABC passing on “Football Wives,” the network basically still has the actors on contract indicating it may not be so dead in the water after all. Other rumors are that NBC and Fox is interested in the show should ABC officially give it up.
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Joan Collins apparently really wants to return to television. She missed out on the role of Teri Hatcher’s mother on “Desperate Housewives” and now is reportedly “begging” for a role, claiming she’ll even have a little nip’n’tuck if needed.
Joan will shortly begin a stint on season 5 of “Footballers Wive$” on BBC America where she’ll face off with Tanya’s character, who has eyes for her young son.
Personally, I’d love to see Joan on “Desperate Housewives.” I loved last season when they brought in Dixie Carter as Orson’s mother. Perhaps Joan could be Victor’s mother?
So I finally got through the last week’s “Footballers Wive$.” Here are some quick thoughts.
In this episode Liberty remains jealous that Ursula is flirting with every man and woman she comes across. I still think she’s going to con her and Tremaine out of their money. Otherwise she is up to something. She’s a user. Meanwhile Lucy returned this week. She was, shall we say, sizing Tremain up for a suit. There were some definite hints there that something could happen between these two.
Love me some Shannan yeah! Shannan is fixated on a new guy Callum. Wasn’t she just fixated on Darius? Dang, slow down girl! Callum is a mama’s boy though, and his mom is clearly keeping him on a short leash. She faked a diabetic attack when he stayed out with Shannan all night. Witch! I think she wants his money.
Roger and Jackie went to the new team owner’s house for a party. Roger got sloshed, and apparently naked as Jackie found him putting his clothes back on. Maybe he was swimming in his skivvies and I missed it? Jackie wanted to go, as the new owner had just exposed himself to her! Looks like the owner is a bit of a swinger, yeah baby.
Finally, Bruno was demoted from team captain thanks to Amber’s terrorizing of him, and they gave the job to Tremain. He just got their and they’ve made him captain already? Dang! Meanwhile it was Lucy who finally figured out that Amber has been the one trying to drive Bruno mad. They broke into her meditation chamber and found her shrine to Conrad. It looks like the crazy is busted, but so is Bruno.
I’ve finally caught up with the first two episodes of the new season of Footballers Wive$ on BBC America. Here are some quick thoughts on the stories (the ones I recall!)
A few new characters have been introduced this season. Tremain, a new player on the team and his wife Liberty. Liberty has this blond exotic assistant that she’s, shall we say, shagging behind her hubby’s back. It seems the assistant at the same time is trying to get the hubby in bed too! She is up to something with them, she’s playing a game.
Bruno and Lucy tried to get married in the season opener, but Lucy learned he never divorced his ex so their whole marriage was a fraud. She ran off and it seems Lucy and the kids are gone. I’m not sure if they will be coming back or not anytime this season, which by the way is the final season of the series.
Amber, who has been “informed” by Conrad’s spirit that Bruno killed him, has taken up with Bruno in an attempt to drive him crazy. This actually is the best story of the season so far. She found the gun he used that he buried and planted it in the bed. Has been leaving messages from Conrad on his voice mail. Love it! This is what the show is about, pure camp. Campy as that huge rock Amber has on her finger!
Meanwhile Shannan and Darius are now hooking up and Darius had an “accident” which has apparently ended his career. Roger, the team coach, seems to think the new owner of the team may have arranged it. Hmmmmm.
I have to say I’m looking forward to the return of Tanya this season. She really is what the show is about, and it’s just not the same without her. I also have to say I miss Hazel’s character so much! I loved the paintings of herself she had all over her office.
Digital Spy is reporting that the ABC show “Football Wives,” which appeared a shoe in for a pick up, may have gotten dropped due to . . . Football! It seems the NFL had an issue with the show, and ABC has a lucrative deal with the NFL on ESPN.
Lucy Lawless, who was to star as Tanya Austin, has a great quote on her  Official Fanclub Site
One conspiracy theorist suggested that ABC and ESPN are owned by the same people and so our portrayal of some players and their wives as wretched Ho’s engaged in drug-fuelled skulduggery was incompatible with life. Bummer. Sounds like a surefire hit to me.
Digital Spy indicates though that the show will be shopped around to other networks. Here is hoping the show finds a home somewhere, as I was really looking forward to it.
ABC has ordered a pilot, which has apparently finished filming, for “Football Wives.” The show is based on the BBC soap “Footballers’ Wive$.” The BBC soap followed a group of women who were married to pro soccer players. The US version will follow a group of women who are married to pro football players. The football team is a fictional Florida team called “The Stingrays.” The pilot has been written by “Ugly Betty” writer Marco Pennette and is being directed by Brian Singer (Xmen and Superman Returns fame).
So far several well known stars are signed up to appear in the pilot. The following is a list of the known actors attached to the project.
Lucy Lawless (“Xena” fame) will play the lead Tanya Austin (Turner in the BBC version).
Eddie Cibrian (“Sunset Beach” fame) is playing Jason Austin (Turner in the BBC version).
Ving Rhames as Frank, the team owner.
Kiele Sanchez (currently Nikki on “Lost”) will be playing one of the wives. Arielle Kebbel is said to be playing Sanchez’s little sister. Should this follow the BBC version, they could be Donna and her sister Marie.
Holly Pete-Robinson (“Hanging With Mr. Cooper” and “21 Jump Street”) has been cast as one of the wives. She plays the mother-in-law to Gabrielle Union/Chardonay. This would make her Jackie Pascoe from the BBC version.
Gabriel Union as Chardonay Lane/Johnson (Pascoe in the BBC version)
Brian J White as Kyle Johnson (Pascoe in the BBC version)
James Van Der Beek (“Dawnson’s Creek” fame) will play a young rookie on the team named Brian. No other information known.
Spencer Garrett will play Bobby. No information known.
Christopher McDaniel as Sal Biagi (only known confirmation is IMDB at this time, so may not be accurate).
Okay so now do you want some possible spoilers? Continue to read on to learn what their BBC counterparts were up to! There is of course no knowing how closely the American version will follow the BBC version
Joan Collins apparently really wants to return to television. She missed out on the role of Teri Hatcher’s mother on “Desperate Housewives” and now is reportedly “begging” for a role, claiming she’ll even have a little nip’n’tuck if needed.
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