Posted by Dustin on 05.20.2008 at 1:37 pm

Since the “DH” finale was in fact two shows back to back, I’m doing them in two parts. Together it would be insanely long I’m sure, plus this gives me a break in getting them up 🙂

The show opened with CPS coming to see Lynette because that devil living in their house called the doctor and said Lynette was beating her. He was obligated to report it. The doctor showed up and told Lynette and Tom that CPS would have to interview the kids, the neighbors, even the teachers about what is going on. Now this is what I was pointing out last week, wouldn’t they soon realize Kayla is a lying little snake in the grass? Things just wouldn’t add up if she was being abused as she claimed. They’d get to the truth and quick! Kayla listened as Lynette and Tom explained what was going on with Kayla, so she knew she had to up the ante, and decided to burn herself with a curling iron. Devil child!

Of course Lynette was arrested the moment she came home from visiting Susan in the hospital. I was yelling “Hello can you not tell a fresh burn when you see one? She’s not even been at home!” Tom visited Lynette in jail, who finally put her foot down where Kayla was concerned. About time, she should have put her foot in her arse and kicked her out the door when she called CPS the first time! Lynette told Tom she was not able to go within 500 feet of their kids, so it was up to him to fix this, that he couldn’t try and sit on the fence anymore.

Tom talked with Kayla and he told her how Lynette couldn’t come near her children as long as she was here, so she’d have to go away! Kayla admitted she lied, lied about it all, so Lynette could come home and she could stay. Fortunately Tom had the doctor on the phone listening, so the devil child was busted! Yes! Kayla pleaded to be able to stay, but Tom told her that she couldn’t. Finally he has seen that his child is in fact an evil little girl. I was worried Tom would never wake up to her and keep trying to take her side. Thank you Tom, you have been redeemed!

Kayla was sent off to live with her grandparents. Her grandparents! She needs to be under lock and key as far as I’m concerned. Send her to a home for problem kids. She better be getting some serious help while she’s away, otherwise I see bad things coming. I so see her coming back as a teen, possibly more hellish than ever. Though given Lynette, in the future has her hands full with her own kids, I wonder if maybe she’ll come back perfect? That would be the ultimate kick in the pants.

Susan gave birth to a son, but her and Mike couldn’t figure out a name for him. Okay did they not discuss this and prepare their options? I guess not! They settled on Connor when a Dr. Connor was called over the P.A. Unfortunately Mike got the news that his grandfather had died, so he thought it would be nice to name their son after him. Susan, thinking this was grandpa James, agreed. However this was grandpa Maynard! Susan quickly realized she hated the name, but was stuck. Hello that is why we give kids two names, so they can be called by the one they hate the least. Why she didn’t think of this I don’t know.

The girls all came to visit Susan and learned about the name. Lynette gave some hilarious comments such as “Was his grandfather beaten to death because of his name?” and “Which sounds worse when you try and shorten it, May or Nerd!” Gabby also chimed in saying a child’s name defines them, if you name a girl Francesca she will end up shooting a porno on the hood of an Italian sports car. Of course the funny thing about this comment is five years later she has her own little Francesca! A lot of Gabby’s comments in these two episodes were forshadowing her own future.

Susan convinced a nurse named Griselda to help her change the name on the birth certificate, playing up the “that must have been a tough name on the playground” aspect. However when they were about to leave the hospital, a nurse showed up with balloons with the name Connor on it, and Susan was busted. Honestly, she couldn’t have kept it up forever. Mike sat down and explained his grandpa took him and his mom in when his dad was sent to jail, he opened up the first interracial school in their town. He wanted their son to have a name he could be proud to live up to. Way to lay on the guilt Mike! It of course worked, Susan agreed to call the kid Maynard. I’m telling you, middle name! Keep Connor and call him that.

Ellie caught Gabby having a pretend affair with the handy man, who was really an undercover cop planting a bug in Ellie’s room. It was the only cover Gabby could come up with for their reason for being in her room, claiming Carlos’ heightened sense of smell would pick their affair up elsewhere. Feeling sorry for Carlos, she told him about Gabby’s affair. After misunderstanding thinking she was having an affair, Gabby set him straight. She confronted Ellie, who gave some sob story about how her father caught her mom having an affair, and he walked out on them. She said her mom went nuts and she ended up on the street doing bad things to get by. I wasn’t honestly sure if she was telling the truth or if it was a lie of hers. I guess it explains why she got into dealing drugs, but she might also just love the money and the drugs too. As she was telling her story this of course is when the cops were about to make their move, and predictably Gabby whispered to her to run as it was a sting. I saw that one happening!

At Bree’s church, their reverend who had left for a few years to do missionary work in Korea had returned. Orson had been “stalking” Bree to try and work things out with her, but she wouldn’t talk to him. She used the reverend to make Orson jealous, but in the end the reverend got the wrong idea totally! He went a little nutso and decided Bree was a red-headed temptress who had to be exposed to the church. Orson and him fought in the back room of the church (I’m forgetting the proper name right now), and over the microphone the whole church heard Orson say “I’m not letting you go out there and tell that church Bree is a slut!” Hilarious! That must have just killed poor Bree. The reverend knocked Orson out, and he was taken to the hospital where Bree went to check on him. You could see where this was going. Bree softened to him as he came to defend her honor. We also know from the future that Orson is still around. I have to admit I’m not an Orson fan at all, I much would have rather Bree had the new hubby in the future. Of course that wouldn’t be as shocking as Susan, which is why they went there.

Finally, Wayne showed up as Katherine was attempting to flee, and confronted her about the lack of a scar on Dylan’s arm. He knew she wasn’t his or her daughter and wanted the truth. Before he could get anywhere, Bob and Lee showed up to talk to Katherine about her and Bree catering their commitment ceremony.

Bree and Katherine hilariously planned the ceremony while at the shooting range! There is something just ironic and hilarious about these two republican women (well we know Bree is at least) planning a gay wedding while shooting guns!

Katherine returned home to find Adam there. He knew Wayne had come back and had a plan to protect Dylan. He said that he always promised her a graduation trip, they could take it and never come back. I really like Adam and hope he and Katherine stay together. Alas the actor has a new show next season, so who knows what they will do, especially if it’s a hit.

Dylan had a orchestra concert and Wayne showed up at it and clubbed Adam in the parking lot, then took him hostage. He demanded Adam tell him the truth about Dylan, trying to beat it out of him.

This was the end of the first hour. The recap and thoughts for part two will be up ASAP!

Photo: ABC.com